I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
