I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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