You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
