I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
