me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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