oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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