filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
