It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
