so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
