Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize