I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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