Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
