its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
