I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
