don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
