I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
