He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
