Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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