mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
