he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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