there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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