Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
