Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
