Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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