I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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