there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize