I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
