Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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