hotel room ftw
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize