Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Come see our sink grown plant.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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