so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
