You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
