Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
