My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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