This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
