i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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