Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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