Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize