at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
