just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Randomize
