I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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