You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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