the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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