Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
