So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
