I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
