Im at strip club and am horny
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
