oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize