We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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