she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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