You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize