I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
