Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
