I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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