We're like a lot better than the average bears
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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