Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
