I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
