Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
