So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
