So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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