i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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