I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
