my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She made me pour olive oil on her.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
